sin ka po rians........
1. Thanks to SMS, you have an extra large thumb
2. Tks 2 SMS, u oso dun no how 2 spel anymor.
3. You pat bus seats and even MRT seats to cool them before you sit down.
4. At lunch, you start discussing what to eat for dinner.
5. Your wedding photos include shots of you dressed up like Louis XIV,
6. When speaking to foreigners, you somehow feel a need to adopt an accent.
7. You won't raise your voice to protest policies, but you'll raise your fists to whack someone over Hello Kitty.
8. You're forever talking about businesses you want to set up but will probably never get around to starting.
9. You don't know 3/4 of the people attending your wedding.
10. You separate food into 2 basic groups: 'heaty' and 'cooling'.
11. You think that what makes you 'married' is not the legal registration but whether you've thrown a 12 course dinner.
12. You marry for the real estate breaks.
13. You have kids for the tax advantages.
14. You move to where you want your child to go to school.
15. You force your children to take Speech & Drama classes, but pray they won't wind up in Arts later on.
16. You suddenly realize you're very interested in biotech - just like you suddenly realized three years ago that you were very interested in e-commerce,and before that, engineering, and before that, medicine and law
17. You think people are inconsiderate when they don't leave their table mmediately after eating at the food court but think you have every right to take 25 bites to finish the last red bean in your ice kachang.
18. You find it impossible to make suggestions without drawing a fishbone chart first.
19. If you're a guy, whenever you get together with your guy friends, you invariably trade army stories.
20. You think the most important sporting event in Singapore this year was David Beckham switching from Real Madrid to the US.
21. You've eaten more times at the Esplanade than you've actually seen shows there.
22. You need campaigns to tell you how to be courteous, to flush toilets, have sex, etc.
23. You always feel oddly hungry at 11 pm , and are willing to drive to far away places for supper.
24. You work at McDonald's when you're old rather than young.
25. You'll gladly spend $50,000 on a car, but will go to great lengths to save a few bucks on ERP charges or even a few cents on a parking coupon.
26. If you're pregnant, you have the strange ability to make people on the MRT fall asleep instantly.
27. You've started referring to foreign employees as 'talent' instead of 'expatriates'.
28. At the dinner table, you're always discussing which other food places serve better versions of what you're eating.
29. You copy down licence plate numbers of cars involved in accidents.
30. You think your boyfriend doesn't really love you unless he gives you part of his liver.
31. You pronounce the letter 'R' as 'ah-rer' and the letter 'H' as 'haytch'.
32. No matter how old you are, you keep associating people with their secondary schools. (alternative: No matter how old you are, you secretly need to know what other people got for their PSLE, O levels and A levels.)
33. You believe that you can generate 'creativity' through rules and committees.
34. You 'chope' a seat by placing a packet of tissues on the chair.
35. You diligently track the whereabouts of your favourite hawkers, i.e. you know that the famous Tiong Bahru Bao is now in Jurong, the famous Outram Char Kuay Teow is now in Hong Lim Centre and the famous Lau Hock Kien Hokkien mee from the old Lau Pa Sat is now at Beach Road.
36. You think we're living in a modern, sophisticated country even when our leaders still insist on wearing their white school uniforms.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
HDB 81
wah , someone spotted this fella having some "atas block" fun.....confirm must be learn from shaun... wonder if he also has the "through the pants" skill......
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Corporate Lessons
I guess I'll be needing some tips before I go out to the working world!
Mgt Lesson:
Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office,but she belonged to someone else...
One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me screw you. But the girl said NO. Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. "
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down."
So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened. She responded, "The b@st@rd used coins!"
Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!
Corporate Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob,the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor, " she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: - If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson2
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,"Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand.
But,changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: - If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Corporate Lesson 3
A sales rep and a administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: - Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,"Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: - "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: - To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
Corporate Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: - Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Mgt Lesson:
Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office,but she belonged to someone else...
One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me screw you. But the girl said NO. Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. "
She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down."
So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened. She responded, "The b@st@rd used coins!"
Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!
Corporate Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob,the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor, " she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story: - If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson2
A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,"Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand.
But,changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: - If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Corporate Lesson 3
A sales rep and a administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: - Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,"Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: - "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: - To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
Corporate Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: - Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
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